Wahoo Wire

Photo Courtesy of thesabre.com

Coach Mike London to Suit Up in Next Week’s Game Against USC.

Anyone else see Coach London snag that stray pass by ex-Trojan QB Aaron Corp? What about his celebratory spike? He looked pretty excited didn’t he? Rumor has it Coach London, sensing a lack of a clear role model for rising star Tim Smith, is gonna put some downs in catching some passes by lining up as a Wide Receiver against USC. Furthermore, he was also overheard talking with Ras-I Dowling, saying “ ‘Hoo’ knows? If you’re still sore, I may even take a crack at some more Trojan QBs while I’m at it.” USC staff has been pulling out all their tapes, trying to figure out how to throw the ball into a secondary filled with Dowling, Minnifield, and London. Good luck Trojans, if London does dress, might I suggest the run.

Devin Wallace to Leave Football After Breakout Game Against the Spiders.

Wallace recorded 3 tackles and one pass break up in Saturdays game, but his presence meant even more than his stats could show. Yet, in a tear stained letter found on Londons desk Monday morning, it seems that the young athlete has found a new calling. Wahoo fans may recall the end of Saturdays game, when Wallace took the stand and directed the Marching Cavaliers in their triumphant songs. While most fans may remember his spirit and energy as he danced and waved his arms to the music, few will remember what happened next. As he climbed down from the stand, UVA band director Bill Pease could be seen whispering in Wallace’s ear. Wallace will be donning a uniform next football game, but not as a football player, rather, as the new drum major for the Cavalier Marching Band.

Coach London was unavailable for comment, but his secretary said he left the office this morning with Cornerback coach Chip West to go to the practice fields, muttering something about “having to do everything himself” and whistling the tune to “London Bridges.”

Keith Payne Hired by Richmond Coaching Staff.

Keith Payne could not be found after the game, and latest reports of his whereabouts have finally placed him in Richmond, VA; where he is currently resting after being hired by Richmonds Athletic Department to carry their defense home when their second bus broke down Saturday night. “I had been dragging them around all night,” Payne claimed “I thought, what’s two more hours? It was only their defense, and after that game I knew I could do it.” Coach London reported that “His father was actually an 18-wheeler, but theirs nothing against it in the rulebooks!”

Other Headlines

UVa Kickers Haunted by Visions of Al Groh in Stands, Causes Missed Field Goals.

Morgan Moses to Replace Robbie Coltrane as ‘Hagrid’ in Next “Harry Potter” Movie.

Kris Burd Admits that “Air Bud: Golden Reciever” was the Only Tape He Ever Studied Before the Richmond Game.

Missing Paperwork at NCAA Office After a Surprise Visit by Mike London Leaves Chris Long Eligible for One More Season. Two Words: Grad. School.