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Courtesy of cnet.com

Tim Smith out for season for “Undisclosed Injury.” London to announce in press conference today that Smith will have elective surgery to become the “Bionic Man.”

Tim Smith is a freakishly built athlete. At 6 feet tall and 185 pounds, he is one of the fastest players on the field and has more ups than Carl Fredricksen (see above image). However, in a post game meeting with Coach London, Mike just grinned while his young receiver vented his frustrations at wanting to serve his team better. London revealed in a private interview that he asked his player, “How would you like to be better than you were before, better, stronger, faster?” When Smith asked him what he was talking about, he got on the phone with the McCue Center and Smith only overhead him say “Tim Smith, receiver. A man who wants to win. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world’s first bionic football player.” While he may miss the season, we can only expect this radical makeover to make an even bigger impact as London continues with his revamp of the Virginia Cavaliers. So what can we expect from Tim Smith? Well, before this season, media sources titled him one of the players to watch this year….when he was only a man. Next year, he will be part robot….what do you think?

Player-Coach Mike London benches Minnifield during USC game, dons Chase’s jersey for second half of game.

Early in the second quarter saw Minnifield get burned by Ronald Johnson for a 47-yard touchdown. London saw it coming, pulled the yellow flag he keeps in his pocket and threw it towards the backfield. The referees instantly followed suit out of reflex, and a holding call was assumed. If you watched you could see the relief on London’s face when no one caught him. He called Chase to the side and the two of them disappeared to the locker room. London’s doppelganger and a player wearing Minnifield’s jersey returned to the field. What few knew, is that it was in fact Mike London under that helmet. London proceeded to rack up a total of 7 tackles on top of several pass breakups and contained the USC air game on his side of the field.

Emboldened by success, London releases new depth chart, replaces Randolph as #1 at FG Kicker.

While Robert Randolph is still bothered by visions of Al Groh between the uprights, Mike London, the player-coach for the 2010 Cavaliers is now taking the field in a new capacity. He has been seen by a number of first years late at night this past week in Scott Stadium, working the outside hash marks. He has also been spotted on Rugby Road this weekend, down in Mad-Bowl, making wagers about 60 yard field goals with passing students. While his form is more reminiscent Charlie Brown than a traditional kicker, his accuracy and distance is incredible. London continues to inspire as he personally challenges his players to step up, and well, be as good as him.

Other Headlines

JMU governing board upset with Coach Mickey Matthews, accuses him of attempting to start another riot.

Bud Foster admits to being a JMU supervisor, claims to be ¼ bulldog himself.

After paperwork at NCAA office remains unfound, Chris Long joins team practices during bye week.

Lane Kiffin revealed to be a really nice guy, Phil Fulmer claims Kiffin to be “best friend I could ever ask for,” Tennessee Student Bookstore to sell Lane Kiffin teddy bears due to man’s soft exterior.