Mascot Madness: Round 2
Bracket ruined yet? Probably yes, so let’s lighten the mood a bit here and see who’s in our Mascot Madness Sweet 16! Remember, these are one-on-one matchups between the nicknames with whatever accessories might come with whatever they are. For the explanation as to how we got here, check back to earlier this week for the first round.
Alright, let’s get this party started.
Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils over Iowa State Cyclones
A force of nature (especially one as destructive as a tornado) would have the upper hand against any thing that was natural. But devils are supernatural. Super means better, so, devil wins.
New Mexico State Aggies over VCU Rams
As a mentioned yesterday, an aggie is a student at an agricultural university, so this is a student against a ram. Normally, based on my experience as a student, I’d pick the ram here, but the Aggie has a gun. As we saw with the victory over the Hoosier, guns kill people. Aggie wins.
UNLV Rebels over Baylor Bears
Luke is back to battle a beast that is a bit more menacing than the buffalo he defeated last round. But come on…the guy handled the freaking rancor. Bear is basically the same thing, right?
Notre Dame Fighting Irish over Duke Blue Devils
Remember in The Exorcist how the devil doesn’t win? A man of God defeats him and releases the little girl from the possession. Well, Notre Dame is a catholic university and unlike our hero in the movie, this Irish guy is up for a fight (Fighting Irish) so I think between his beer and his Bible, he’d be able to take the devil down.
Michigan State Spartans over St. Louis Billikens
I just want to get rid of that creepy little thing. The Spartans wouldn’t mind just slicing it’s head off and moving on. So, done.
Long Beach St. 49ers over Davidson Wildcats
Last round, the 49ers knocked off a wolf with its pickaxe. There really isn’t much difference between a wolf and a wildcat, so, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Niners move on.
BYU Cougars over Colorado State Rams
We’re back to Food Chain 101. This kill is obviously a little harder than the bird was last round, but the ram really doesn’t stand a chance in the long haul.
Norfolk State Spartans over Virginia Cavaliers
As much as this pains me to say, there’s no way a cavalier is beating a Spartan in a fight. I mean, look at this picture of a cavalier.
Now, a picture of a Spartan.
Heck, even auto-correct on the computer capitalizes Spartan out of respect.
Kansas State Wildcats over UNC-Asheville Bulldogs
Now, your basic instincts gained from Food Chain 101 would lead you to believe that dogs always beat cats, but that isn’t the case. Let’s do a comparison again. A wildcat:
And, a bulldog:
I believe this is the noise you’re looking for. Wildcat advances.
Montana Grizzlies over Vanderbilt Commodores
Well, after that rousing first round victory against a swatch of color, the commodores can look down their nose at…a grizzly bear. Well then. I think we can see where this one is going. The king of the woods advances (that’s the bear).
Florida State Seminoles over Cincinnati Bearcats
Again, this guy has a flaming spear. A bearcat can’t make either piece of that equation. Throw in the cool war-paint and you’ve got yourselves a man advancing to the sweet sixteen.
West Virginia Mountaineers over Loyola Greyhounds
Yeah we’re not going to talk about what it would take to win this matchup because PETA will be on our case. Here’s a picture of what I imagine to be a model for mountaineer magazines instead.
Alabama Crimson Tide over North Carolina Tar Heels
Yet another boring battle…and yet, there’s no way you can not pick the tide to win. The ocean is always going to be there and you can’t beat it. The dude from North Carolina can sit there and sit there, but eventually, he’s going to be unable to tread water anymore. Tide rolls on.
Michigan Wolverines over California Bears
I don’t know why I’m picking this, but in the spirit of this year’s tournament so far, the little guy knocks off the big guy. Also wolverine is a cool name while bear is pretty generic. Upset for the wolverine!
San Diego State Aztecs over Belmont Bruins
This matchup might have happened in real life (not sure how far south these bears live and how far north the Aztecs got), but if it did, we know that the Aztecs were killed by Spaniards with diseases, not bruins. Montezuma moves on.
Detroit Titans over Purdue Boilermakers
An immortal god against a man with a hammer. I feel like this one is pretty self explanatory.
Check back later this coming week for the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 results as we move towards an Ultimate Mascot Fight Champion.
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